SEO Guru
Who Else Wants To Be A SEO Guru?Introduction By
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Wasn’t it Bertrand Russell who said… “The biggest cause of trouble in the world today is that the stupid people are so sure about things and the intelligent folks are so full of doubts.” I wonder if he was thinking about Internet marketers when he uttered those words? OK my friend… Let’s go lurk about inside the lion’s den. And who is this lion? …you may well ask! Aye, aye, who the heck is shouting out “Google” at the back there? Hey, calm down buster. I get to ask the questions and choose who will be allowed to give an answer. OK? Alright, never mind. I’ll let you off this time. Yeah mate, I must say, you’re spot on. Google is the lion. …and every day Internet marketers - stupid and intelligent alike… (and no, my name is NOT Bertrand Russell) try to sneak into the lion’s den. (shhhhhh – that’s where all the SEO secrets are hidden!!) And this is no secret… a lot of them get eaten alive!! As you well know, if the lion pounces and catches one of those foolish, daring Internet Marketers, They’ll end up in the dreaded sandbox… Or rather, their website will. (I’m talking about the website that they spent so much time and money on! – Yeeeeeeah….. that one!). Their fancy website ends up in the “sandbox” where it languishes away for what seems like a lifetime. …and no money coming in. Oh my, How awful!! But, who in their right senses would choose to do such a foolish thing? Why would they try to sneak past the lion to get into its den? That’s darned stupid if you ask me… Now, I don’t want to stand up here infront of you like a de-ranged nutcase in need of a good kick up the bum!! So I’m going to let you have it – full throttle… Short, sharp and sweet!! You can get into Google’s cleverly disguised machinery with ease. You can start tinkering with the bits and pieces that interest you… Yeah, things like SEO and Page 1 RankingsAnd before you can say “Bob’s my uncle”, your hairy, ugly website will be at the coveted No. 1 spot on Google’s page 1. Yeah, yeah… it’s the same Google we’re talking about!! Oh hallelujah. The penny’s finally dropped. Hey, sleepy head in the corner over there… Wake Up. I’m up here talking about SEO and how YOU can get Page 1 Rankings for your websites and you’re sat there dozing off – shame on you. Do you understand what I m saying? Well, stop wetting your pants. Just promise me to keep this to yourself. Please, please promise me that you won’t go gabbing off about this super hush, hush secret to your aunt Mary while she’s figuring out “how does my garden grow”… OK. let’s leave Aunt Mary in her garden and nip off to the Caribbean for a quick weekend break. So, there I was on hols on the sunny island of St. Vincent and The Grenadines where I met this geezer that goes by the name “Sam D. Mann”. Believe me, in next to no time, we were swapping old army tales and SEO when I realised that we were like 2 peas in a pod!! – he likes rum and I like coke. …But most importantly, I want to know about SEO and how I could get my websites ranking on Google’s page 1. Well, as you can imagine, it didn’t take too long (with the suave island charm oozing out of him like chocolate in the hot sun) for me to be drinking HIS rum and he drinking MY coke until we both decided to stop sharing glasses and just drink rum and coke from our own glass! OMG, I think the rum is still swilling about inside me – I’m chattering away like an old circus monkey waiting to clap the cymbals together!! OK, give us a sec… I’ll be right back on the subject of SEO in a jiffy. Thanks. Where was I? Oh yeah, Sam and I started exchanging views about Internet Marketing and guess what? This grand old geezer – Sam D. Mann – mentioned that he’s got loads of pages on Google’s page 1. …And, not only page 1 ranking, he was (and still is) at the No.1 spot a lot of the times… So it seems like he knows a thing or two about SEO. Alright I know you’re bored with my gibberish. So let me get to the point. Wanna see what Sam has achieved with his SEO Bazooka? (I told you he was once a military man that served in the good old British Army!) Right my friend, let’s stop loafing about here. When you get there, you’ll see ample proof of his SEO accomplishments and you will also learn how you too can tame the wild lion Google and turn it into the most docile lamb. Bye, bye. Nice meeting you. Hope you have a great time with the old geezer Sam D. Mann. Oh yes, you can do a Google search on him. Just like this… “Sam D. Mann” (in quotes) and our good friend Google (that knows all about SEO) will tell you all about him. Wot? Me and Google friends? OMG! Shucks… I must be suffering from a sun stroke! Perhaps I didn’t put enough coke in the rum or was it rum in the coke?… Aw well, whatever… Have a great day. Wot? You want to know my name? Are you some kinda Secret Service NUT? Today I’m only handing out information on how to become a SEO GuruSo, if it’s SEO information you’re looking for…
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Hi thanks for yet another funny and good post. Where do you receive your inspiration for all this
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Hey Nice Blog! Just curious, how effective is search engine marketing in terms of promoting an offline product or service. I see pages all the time that promote a web based product (e-book, amazon.com etc), but if I need to promote say a tanning salon – is the online an efficient means to do that? Do you know of any examples of this? Anyway, thanks prematurely for any help.